A Musical Death

The new year has started and it is the opportune time to let go and begin a whole new journey but the only problem is the one thing I've been carrying over I can't seem to let go or even get away from. I lost somebody very very special to me a year ago and I see them in dreams and my thoughts as well as the obvious and tangible places like pictures. Although we were family and blood, she was my best friend in the world. Usually, you see your grandmother during the holidays and it's an awkward meeting because since you hardly spend any time together, they rarely know the real you. My grandmother was the best friend I could ever have. I didn't really hold back with her. Curse words and all. We spoke candidly about life, the world and everything both good and evil in the two spectrums. It's been a year and her passing is still taking a toll on my life. I can function as anyone would normally but there are moments that find me crippled without warning. Whether it's hospitals, funerals, or graves and those scenes in a film or television show, it breaks my heart like the very first time I saw my grandmother taken away. I realize I have to get passed it but I am allowing it to happen on it's own terms. I am guessing that this is preparation for the future. I am quite certain that in this life I will experience more pain when the people I love the most become the departed, as well. I am just wondering if I am handling things the right way and will I be strong enough to be here standing as alone I feel this very moment, yet again. Honestly, whatever happens is fine with me. I guess that's what happens when you love somebody that much. It could be worse to not feel anything at all...

For Adela